Broken Glass

There was a room, and in that room were three things. One was a lightbulb that was off so no one could see what was going on. Two was a chair that sat alone in the corner with no one there to watch. Three was you, separated into shattered pieces of glass in a pile on the floor. This is where you are now, because your past has left you like this. Now you must move forward and put the pieces together again, but only you can truly figure out the way you piece together.

You never let anyone come in the room in fear they may get hurt trying to put you back together. Those people who have tried are bleeding and rushing downstairs to wrap their fingers up, not ready to climb the stairs again and try to help because they are still in pain. I was about to step up as one of those people, but I realized I forgot my gloves. Only one person has ever been completely allowed inside, and he is helping you along and putting the pieces back the way you want them to be. Going through changes means putting the pieces of glass in different places then where they were before. You were afraid someone would try to put you back the way you were before, but that is not what you are changing into. Those people think that something is wrong and want you back to your original self. The one with gloves is making sure all your pieces are going in the correct spots by asking you where they belong first.

You must understand this though, you two aren’t the only ones in the room. Even though I stand outside waiting for a sign, someone has broken in. The window is open and that person is hiding in the closet. They are investigating you, they are learning the ways of your change, and they are protecting you from whoever comes in and tries to damage your changes. They will not touch the glass, nor will they even try, because they were smart enough to let you do it yourself. They sit and wait by your side patiently while making their home behind the closet doors. This is your protection, so always keep them close.

Now back to the one who wanted to help but was shut out before anything happened. That person is me. I stepped inside, turned on the light, and disrupted the process. For that I completely regret, because that caused me to get shoved outside the door again. This symbolized that you cared enough about me to warn me that I could get hurt, but I was an idiot and tried to kneel down to help anyway, only to be thrown out by you. When I was shoved out the room, you threw a sharp piece of the work at me. There was a large shard that went through my ribcage and into my heart. That left me in pain and agony as I watched that door shut. For this, I now have a piece of you left in me. All I want to do it rip that shard out and slip it back under the door, but that means risking my chance of ever being let back in a again. At least with a piece of you, I know you’ll need it someday, so I must sit behind this door and wait silently for you to need this part of your puzzle. It may sound shitty to keep a piece of you to myself, but you hurt me with it and for now it belongs to me. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but you will find yourself, and when you realize you’re almost completed, the two in the room will open the door and let me in to help you put the last part in place. By then, if you feel the same about my mistakes then you can leave me aside and go out that door to show off the new you. You would leave me in that room and I would be ok because I would know in my heart that I helped you at least a little bit. If the door opens and you want to keep me in your life, I will be here with open arms in whatever way you need me. Even though it’ll hurt having that shard stuck in those arteries, I will remain patient. I will be sitting right outside, crisscrossed on the floor, and waiting. No matter how long it takes. I will always be here for you. Till the last piece of glass is in place.

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741