Broken Mind

Today I woke up

Thoughts pass through my head

thinking thoughts I had been thinking of being dead

I am not dead, I am alive

But this does not settle a broken mind

I sit up letting future thoughts beat me down now

My heart beating fast

my blood speeding faster

I can fight my stress 

I am not a mess 

I am grateful to be here 

Or am I

Yes or no

maybe so

getting a clear answer is hard most days

when you're thinking thoughts with a broken mind

I stand up and begin to move

my body aches 

I'm tired again

I just woke up 

and already feel the sleeplessness kicking in 

again

I sigh because what can I do

I can't stop how I feel anymore

my emotions no longer bounce off one another

they collide 

dent and fall

leaving scars and bruises of things

that could never happen at all

They might though

this is true

but I'd never think about it

if I didn't have to

I am not in control of me

I would have just stayed in bed if I were me

but you see

I am controlled by the thoughts of people

People who probably judge me anyway

critisims I can't defend

because my wall doesn't exist

I am vunrable

please help me, is what I hear in me

but  I say something clear

"I'm happy today!"

But I only hurt myself more by lying

I'm not happy

I lie when I think thoughts with a broken mind

I begin to dread a day 

that hasn't begun

because I have let people in to close

they saw my mind broken,

cogs clogged

wires falling into puddles

of leaking dreams

they laughed and brushed me off

they see my broken mind

it is obvious to them

but I tell myself they don't

and I say I don't either

A problem is best ignored

Right?

Wrong?

I say I don't care

but I do.

I'm sad because

those other people

aren't sad too.

I guess that is all you'll find

When you keep thinking thoughts

with a broken mind.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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