c.c

i never had your heart, you never placed it in my hands.
but i just want you to know that i could handle it.
not that you'd ever decide i'm strong enough to, but just in case you ever wondered.
i carried small universes inside me and when you would reach out to touch me or even if it was an accident.
they would collapse, cease to exist.
i can carry burning cities in my lungs and smoke red wine flavored cigars.
i tried
so hard
to be someone you would love and now i look back and i can't remember what that girl looked like.
i'm sorry you're in pain.
but now i am drowning and i've learned that you have to save yourself sometimes.
so i hope you wear a bulletproof vest and get through this day
and the next and the next and the next.
i was never enough for you,
darling i don't think i want to be.
 

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