Certified Heart Breaker

I have been a certified heart breaker since the first grade.

Those were the days when everyone was your valentine.

I remember waltzing in on Valentines day in 1st grade

sitting down on my perfectly decorated chair.

I watched as my girl classmates eyed Junior,

the cutest boy in 1st grade.

They watched him strut through the classroom

parading around the room before handing me an elegant gift basket accompanied by a balloon and a smile. 

Oh the looks I got!

Girls stared at me like they were trying to put holes in my happiness.

I just served them a  warm smile to declare my dominance over them.

The ironic part is I didn’t even like him

but I liked the taste of power over him and his groupies.

And Junior, well he couldn't take a hint.

Every year since, I have gotten special gifts from potential victims.

Teddy bears, candy, gift boxes,

even a expensive chocolate box with an invitation to his party in his mansion on the lake. (True story)

 I am a certified heart breaker.

A single word spoken by me can make a boy cower and fall in love with me.

I wrap my words in verbal bacon that no man can resist.

My eyes lure boys in like a siren calling to a pirate with her beautiful grace

drowning him in her merciless waves.

I have standards higher than my IQ of 142.

Now that I am older, Valentines day has become Bae Hunting Season.

I am like the ninja that dodges cupid's arrows as they shoot everyone around me.

I have more phone numbers than a phone book.

I have more dates than a calendar.

The president can't even get ahold me!

As I walk down the street, everyone is staring at me.

I don't even have to work out!

I have a PhD in L-O-V-E.

I am a certified heartbreaker and you better watch out

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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