The Change I see and the Change I Want

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Change Change Change, All about and all around

 But it’s the wrong kind of change.

It’s that quick change on the street you find to complete your payment of crack cocaine to hopefully defuse the blast that’s suppose to end your life with a cold sleek silver bullet.

It’s that quick change you make to cover up your ass I mean assets from your parents, too embarrassed to reveal that you don’t feel pretty but so quick to put it all out there for your man and his crew. Yeah you hot stuff now but just remember that attention that you so deeply crave from them is the same attention they gave to the one before you before they took turns forcefully dirtying her insides with the lust and hate that consumes them.

It’s that quick change from being the demised to the demiser  when you think a gun is your only supplier of  security so you press the trigger , three blows to the chest “ pow pow pow” now you’re facing  a lifetime in jail over what could have been solved with the removal of pride and a simple “I’m sorry”

It’s that quick change of getting behind the wheel while suffocating your trials and tribulations with the sweet kiss of alcohol. Visions getting blurry but so are your problems too right? Can’t focus on your problems while your head is spinning wild right? What about when the car is spinning wild and the roads clear for miles and the fresh breeze from the ocean comes by to engulf your face only to find yourself engulfed by the ocean itself? Can you remember all your tribulations as you gasp for air as you try to scream with no one there? The only decision you had early that morning was to take a loan or face the judge but now you’re facing THE judge and your biggest problem is “Did I do enough?” “Is it gonna be the eternal gates or eternal flames?”

It’s that quick change when your son witnesses you slapping his mother. He no longer knows what the meaning of love is so he can’t love another. Instead he continues that never ending cycle of abuse because he don’t know no better that all he use too. He throws one too many punches and the cops are at his door. His son yells “DADDY!”, “MOMMY!” Hush child, you won’t see them no more. Now he’s placed in foster care, looking for love anywhere. But he don’t know where to look, that kind of feeling can’t be shook.

It’s that quick change when you call your child stupid so he goes to school believing that he ain’t nothing but stupid. He wants to be something but you basically told him that he’s nothing. So he puts on a cloak and resorts to a joke. If he aint gonna be smart he might as well be stupid funny right? He jokes through junior high, stones up n gets high, five days til graduation but your boy even ain’t walkin.

It’s that quick change when you answer temptations subtle call. one kiss, leads to one night, one night leads, to one surprise business trip, one trip leads to weeks without calling, weeks your wife’s bawling, so she gets on her knees and prays Jesus please, I don’t want this no more, this ain’t the man I once adored, so she hands you the papers, and says see you later, and you try to repent but you can’t erase the weekends spent, spent with her best friend as if she was the latest trend, now the trends gotten old, and you want what God once  put at youe foot hold but it’s too late because you treated her like mold. So now your rare jewel has been sold -- To someone better.

It’s that quick change when you take the first slice, blood trickling down your arm like you’re at an alter making a sacrifice.  a piece of your flesh has now been ripped for the world to see, but the world doesn’t see so you cut again, wondering when, when will the world see that I’m crying for help give me your attention release me from my depression, days and weeks turns weeks and weeks, scars pile high with a blink of an eye, she takes that one final plunder and it puts her six feet under.

It’s that quick change when he pressed “send” and her whole world came crumbling in. Text message over here, DM over there, boys screaming, “Damn dawg she ain’t got no underwear”. Now her career is down the toilet, those pictures soiled it. Her name?  He spoiled it. Her Reputation?  He turmoiled it. No one takes her seriously; boys think they can get her easily. Opens her laptop and gets on Twitter, nudes on every post, the emotions begin to hit her. She goes to the medicine cabinet wants to make a decision that’s permanent. So she opens the seal pops a couple of pills, now the precious daffodil left the world with a life unfulfilled.   

Change Change Change all about and all around but it’s the wrong kind of change, let’s make it a change that spreads through are nation and heals our generation; that disintegrates hate, let’s not procrastinate. Change where we spread love and love from above. That’s the kind of change I desire. That’s what I want, that’s my fire.

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