Changes In Time

I hate you ... for now
but as much as I try to forget you I can't
because I am you
at least half
and the more I try and suppress the simple memories of you
the more I see the traits of you and the harder it becomes to hate you
but I can't hate you for long because time is not on my side
but right now neither are you and that's just one reason I break down and cry
no one really knows I cry because that's weakness
and that's something I can't show because I'm supposed to be strong now
even in times that I'm low
you want to see me now and I can't stand the thought of it
because for my whole life you were never there
that's funny because you were
under one house hold we lived yet our paths hardly crossed
you claim you gave me all you could give but at some point mom had to pick up where you left off
man why did you do it
why did you have to make this so hard
all you had to do was go and maybe then we would be able to talk
but you changed the circumstances of the situation
so I sit in contemplation 
stay up late to think about things that put me down to a new low
how can I talk about this because I'm sure no one really understands
you tried to hurt my mother
the one who has always been there
and when the story came out and the details came to
I was emotionless
blank stare
not a tear in the eye
not a frown or a scowl and I can't explain why
but as the days went on the and I recalled the story
I found my emotion when the tears came rolling
into my pillow, my blankets, in the arms of a friend
I face depression now and in this state I see no end
because I know I'll have to talk to you before your time is up
but the doctor gave you a time frame that is just too short
too short for me to get over the person you became
because even if I somewhat knew you before, you hardly deserve the name
father is what I should call you but it's hard to think that's who you are
I only grew up with the support of a mother and I've managed to make it this far
so please respect my wishes and leave me alone for now
and if time runs out on me before we speak I guess I'll have to deal with that somehow   


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