IT GETS BETTER.

It seems like such a cliche.

Honestly, I know how it sounds,

and how those words make you feel:

annoyed, devalued, misunderstood.

It seems like a lie,

it feels impossible,

especially when you're trapped

in a vicious cycle of self-hate, depression, anxiety.

Trapped in a never ending snowball of swirling emotions,

even when you're trying so hard to be better.

 

I'm not here to tell you to simply get better.

It's never that fucking simple.

Even after a bout a year of therapy I struggle.

There are days I am so anxious that I wont sleep,

and I can't focus,

and I feel like the world is falling apart,

or I am about to shatter at the sudden change of anything.

There are days where I still want to cut,

becuase I know it will offer relief even if temoprarily.

No it is never going to be simple.

But it does get better.

 

There are days I can't look at myself in the mirror.

Days that all I have is a simple protein shake,

and work out like crazy

or throw up out of the anxiety that eating has caused me.

There are days when all I want to do is dissapear

becaus I still don't like my body,

and worry that I will never be good enough for anyone.

But it does get better.

 

I survive one day at a time.

And sure I have slipped up.

My recovery has been far from perfect,

and it is still a somewhat constant struggle.

I'm not here to tell you that it will be easy,

but that it does get better.

Find the people who care about you enough to help you.

There are people out there who love you,

even with all the shit that you go through.

I am here to tell you that you matter.

I am here to tell you that you are loved.

I am here to tell you that I understand you are fighting an impossible fight.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to ask for help.

I am here to tell you that it will never be simple,

and that it will never be easy,

but that it WILL GET BETTER.

 

I am here to tell you that suicide isn't a solution,

it is simply a permanent way out.

And I won't lie that it crossed my mind at some time.

But if I took that option not only would it have hurt others,

I wouldn't be here now:

a college student,

with a family that loves me,

and a loving boyfriend,

and caring friends.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to cut old ties,

and that it is okay to make new ones.

I am here to tell you there are things worth fighting for,

if not right now, then fight for your future.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to ask for help,

because not matter how bad it seems right now.

IT GETS BETTER.