Depression is my comfort zone and I don't want to leave her.
She makes me feel safe.
She is my security that I will have someone to come back to when everyone leaves.
She is my vocal chords rubbing together forcing out "I can't, I'm busy."
She is my back board rebounding every bad idea of happiness I've ever thought of.
She is every decision we've ever made whether I agree or not.
While some quick moments I have thoughts that I would rather hang out with humanity,
She quickly shuts them down.
She is the clingy best friend that doesn't let you have any others.
She somehow convinces me that laying in my bed
Seventy percent of the day will benefit me more in life because
I will have more energy.
She drains all my energy
I want to say no
But at the same time I don't.
Because without her I have no one that will tell me the truth.
I have no one to come back to
When everyone is gone
I can't say no.
And you can tell me that you will replace her
But you will not be able to bare my confusion and my burden.
You will get sick of me.
And I'm not mad, I understand.
But even though I don't want to I need a way to break from her,
But I'm afraid once I do I won't know what I'll do with myself.
She is my comfort zone.
And without her I'm stuck at the border not knowing where to go,
But if she comes back, I'll be stuck forever and I can't allow myself in that situation again.
But her comfort captivates me.
She always somehow finds a way to lead me back into her lies.
She tells me "This is happy, you cannot go any farther."
But I want to.
And I know if I get rid of her I can
But if I get rid of her I will not have a backbone.
I will have no one to rely on but myself,
And I can't rely on myself because
I am unstable.
I am a dining room chair with one of my legs missing.
I find it unbearable to breathe without life support.
I don't operate correctly without knowing someone cares about me.
And right now, that someone is her.
And until I can find another someone
I can't get rid of her.
Give me an excuse to get rid of her.