Conversation with Virginity Thief

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 Girl: my mind is purple confusion/deslusion. How was this only yesterday/yesterday’s game

and now I’m looking at  British boys of your same name.

Feel my rhythm, I’m begging you. My energy, my aura, my prayers, I’M reaching out.

but is it true that he’ll never provide  what I’m looking for?

Enough. It’s just your name I can’t shake.

 I keep at it with that forbidden three letter word. I can’t even say it. Its too hard.

Harder than his dick. Than yours. 

WHO COULD EVER WANT THIS? THAT’S WHAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL.

                Fool. With rythms constantly beating at the back of my brain, there above it all is you. And I tell myself it’s ok, because I never internet stalk. My mind is not a safe place for dreaming . It’s perverse. Like what we did. and every day I lie. Ever since you it’s been a lie. A cloud of smoke, a dream.

DUST/CHERRYCOKE/WHISKEY/SMOKE/BLOOD/WHAT MADE ME DO IT? Oh MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT HAVE I BECOME.

I remember, you said (In that velvet whisper):

Boy: I’ll heal you. Just let me touch you. I’ll give you peace.

I will burn you. I will own you.

I will tattoo myself onto your soul and take a piece of you with me forever.

You can never

Be whole again.

And you will seek me, like a frosted glass of water, and you will be

DYING OF THIRST IN THE DESERT, BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO QUENCH YOUR THIRST FOR ME. YOU WILL SEEK ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS. AND I WILL TAKE SATISFACTION AND PLEASURE FROM KNOWING THAT YOU CONSTANTLY LONG FOR ME, BUT I WILL NEVER BE THERE FOR YOU AGAIN.

But I wish….if only I had known you. Before everything. If I would’ve known you. We could have been.

Girl: Yes, your hand on my thigh, you dancing so close to me when I was still unaware that I was chosen. I ran there in my wild way, and you came, you only and you danced with your body pressed to mine. I remember.

Boy: Yes, and I thought you were dangerous and frightening and extraordinary and a wild girl, who did everything I did but with MORE! And it was a miracle that we had never met…..

Girl: Because the aliens controlled my mind. But they were losing their grip. And you hated them. Is that why you did it…..?

And you said are you sure? And you were naked. In front of me. It was the first time for all of that/you robbed me of all my innocence/my last breath of purity/of dignity/my whole/shy/goodness poured out into your kisses, your caresses, you intrigued me. You were perfect.

Boy: Passion of the blind. And then.

 And then. Our magic was ruined?

Boy: You made me aware of myself. I can never forgive that.  I have you tattooed inside me, beating like a drum, forever your glitter is vomiting inside me. VOMITTING INSIDE ME YOU BITCTH. YOU WHORE. YOU GAVE ME A PIECE OF YOURSELF. 

WHORE

WHORE

WHORE

BITCH. TAKE HER. SHES NOT WORTH MY TIME. I CREATED HER. YOU HAVE HER, ONCE I WASHED HER FUCKING HANDS, I HAD NO NEED OF HER ANYMORE!

I washed your hands, you ungrateful woman.

I knew I had committed a crime. Or something. Nevermind. My life/is pitiful/not smoke/rum and apples and barbed wire/living to this strange insecure standard and anger. That’s what we have in common, my girl.

GIrl:  I know you. I know your anger. It’s as if I’m touching your chest and the fire is coming onto my hands. Because I UNDERSTAND YOU, SEE? We had the same, how do you say it…..FATHER. EXCEPT YOURS WAS WORSE. Fuck. Except my mother had cancer and fucking died. I WIN FOREVER AND THAT’S WHAT IT’S ABOUT. A FUCKING COMPETITION.

 Boy: You’ve figured it out I guess. For now.

Girl: You and I, locked in an eternal struggle.

It all comes back to you, and I hate it. One of us has to die.

Boy: And one of us will. Don’t ever worry about death, though I know you always do. I love the brave act you put on to people like you’re not afraid of anything. It’s cute. I know however…

 GIrl: That I’m terrified of everything. That I can’t breathe when you come into a room. It disturbs me

That you know all that

Just a glance

Will open my soul to you.

Remember that time, when I looked into your eyes…..and you saw my soul.

Boy:  I will always deny it.

But of course I remember. How could I forget.

You were so drunk

And you looked at me, and said that three/letter/word.

And I held you hand. And we stared into each other’s organs

Down to the blood and blackness

And you told me.

I love you and I forgive you. And I wept/ as you bled on your sheets.

 

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