Could I Have Changed

Was it childish fancy or love?

I stumbled, and then I fell

Down, down, down

Until I landed in his arms.

 

He always made me smile,

Made me giggle, made me laugh

I always longed to stay a while,

Peering into those blue blue eyes.

 

I've never felt more at home,

Never more at ease,

I finally wasn't all alone,

And it made me so complete.

 

For every flaw that I could find,

He saw it as part of me.

Seeing me in a way,

That no one ever could.

 

 

 

It was brief and it was fun,

And then I left him all alone,

To play in the sand and in the sun,

Promising I’d soon return.

 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder,

And he never wavered,

But I always liked to wander,

Whisked away upon the wind.

 

I thought it wasn’t love,

I knew it wasn’t hate,

I just wanted to be friends-

He didn’t take it that way.

 

Now it was his turn to fall,

And foolish me, I walked away.

"Heartless" and "unfeeling",

Much to his dismay.

 

We went a year without a word,

Not a glance, not a touch,

His birthday passed and so did mine,

I tried not to think too much.

 

Then this morning it all changed,

When I looked into her eyes,

Red-rimmed, teary, his name upon her lips,

I am speechless.

 

He had always been a little down,

A little low, a little strife,

He always seemed so strong,

And I never thought he’d take his life.

 

Now I cry myself to sleep,

Now that I know the truth,

I loved him with all my heart,

And he will never know.

 

The screaming gets me nowhere,

The nightmares keep me up,

Everyday I hope, that maybe,

Maybe, he'll show up.

 

I wear a mask around my house,

I hide my feelings while at school,

I smile and laugh and tease,

Making myself feel like a fool.

 

A liar, a cheat, a sham-

Maybe that's all I truly am.

 

Maybe I could make amends,

Get down on my knees,

Plead with him to change his mind,

Help his suffering cease.

 

If I had said, “I love you”

Would everything have changed?

Would I happy? Would it be right?

Would I still be standing on his grave?

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