He gets mad because I yell at him too much.
I yell at him for not texting back in ten minutes
and not knowing when I can see him again
and not knowing what he wants to do with his life.
I yell, yell, yell when he says he loves me
because he has to be lying because I hate myself.
I yell at him for no reason
and he gets mad so I hate myself more.
I yell at him when he's trying, trying, trying to keep his temper
because I'm freaking yelling at an empty room
and I yell when I'm trying to apologize
because he starts to hate himself and love me
when it should be the other way around.
I yell at him because my brain is exploding through my mouth
and I can't make it stop.
I can't make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!
And I yell out every single mistake I've ever made
because I can't ever forget any of them
and I yell his name but he's definitely not a mistake
but I can't ever forget him
so what the hell does that mean?!
I don’t understand so I yell.
I yell at him because I don’t know what else to say
and I've held the words in all day and I have to let them out
so they don't set fire to the backs of my eyes.
I yell, yell, yell, let it all out, and a few minutes later
I'm fine and he's not when I wished it could be the other way around.
I yell, "I'm sorry," and spit it in his face so maybe
He'll know I really didn’t mean what I'd said without thinking.
and I wish we could be happy again and it's my fault we're not.
I yell as I pray to God to make me stop
because I can't make it stop.
I can't stop the vicious cycle of anger to apology then back to anger
and I can't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks
because of the pain my own words cause him
but I yell at him anyway
and somehow he still loves me
but it should be the other way around.