The Cycle Continues

He gets mad because I yell at him too much.

I yell at him for not texting back in ten minutes

and not knowing when I can see him again

and not knowing what he wants to do with his life.

I yell, yell, yell when he says he loves me

because he has to be lying because I hate myself.

I yell at him for no reason

and he gets mad so I hate myself more.

I yell at him when he's trying, trying, trying to keep his temper

because I'm freaking yelling at an empty room

and I yell when I'm trying to apologize

because he starts to hate himself and love me

when it should be the other way around.

I yell at him because my brain is exploding through my mouth

and I can't make it stop.

I can't make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

And I yell out every single mistake I've ever made

because I can't ever forget any of them

and I yell his name but he's definitely not a mistake

but I can't ever forget him

so what the hell does that mean?!

I don’t understand so I yell.

I yell at him because I don’t know what else to say

and I've held the words in all day and I have to let them out

so they don't set fire to the backs of my eyes.

I yell, yell, yell, let it all out, and a few minutes later

I'm fine and he's not when I wished it could be the other way around.

I yell, "I'm sorry," and spit it in his face so maybe

He'll know I really didn’t mean what I'd said without thinking.

and I wish we could be happy again and it's my fault we're not.

I yell as I pray to God to make me stop

because I can't make it stop.

I can't stop the vicious cycle of anger to apology then back to anger

and I can't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks

because of the pain my own words cause him

but I yell at him anyway

and somehow he still loves me

but it should be the other way around.

Guide that inspired this poem: 


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