Daddy Dearest

Those memories with you
Of learning to ride a bike
Catching me before I can even think of falling
Of learning how dance
Swirling around at the father-daughter ball
Of learning to fear boys
Because none of them can match how great my daddy is
 
These memories play like a film
Marking a great dad 
How you always tried your best
And how you were always there for me
 
But the thing is
 
These memories aren't mine
They're stolen from shows, books, stories
Ideas of how I know a dad should act
And how I wish you were
 
But you faded in and out of my life
Showing up on weekends
Then only showing up for holidays
Before you stopped showing up at all
 
I remember the Christmas
When I waited and waited
Your gift in my hands
But you never showed up
 
Four years ago 
I lost the father that was already a ghost in the first place
 
Months pass and I assume you're just busy 
            Busy with your other wife
                           Busy with your other kids
 
But there goes my birthday
           And another one
                          And another one
 
Maybe you just stopped caring
Maybe you never cared at all 
 
I wish I could just blow you off
Like you blew off your only daughter
But the thing is
 
I can't
 
The fact that you could just walk away
             Slices me up inside
                        It rips me apart
Leaving me, the girl who barely ever cries
             Sobbing in my bed
 
The scariest thing is
The continuous, never-ending thought of
If my own father could leave me...
 
What's wrong with me?
 
And who is going to leave next?
 
This is what you do to me
And you're not even here to take the blame

 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741