Deadlocked
I always said that I knew myself
That I knew how I felt
And how I would feel
And what I would do
Or in other cases, wouldn't.
But what I did not know is what to do when I didn't.
How do you answer
When someone asks you how you feel and you don't know?
All I knew is that three parts of my brain were fighting over how to feel
Fighting over how to respond.
All I knew is that one would have to be shut out
But not how to know which one.
All I knew is that my mind was a battle between fatigue and adrenaline and guilt
But not how to be all.
Sometimes, people speak of "brain freeze."
But that's not what happens with me.
My brain is anything but frozen.
It is deadlocked.