Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

We have known each other for far too long
 

I was six when you first came rapping on my door
 

You loomed there like the grim reaper

With your chains of fear and worry you tied me down

 

You told me there is nothing I can do to stop the war in my head

You are invisible to others

So no one can see
The true damage you truly inflict upon me
Remember the that time we stepped on the scale?
Well I do
I remember it all too well
You told me that I was fat and would never pretty
 

My thighs, My stomach
My hips, My waist

These were all a disappointment
And you said with a sneer
“No one would ever want you
You’re neither talented nor smart
and don’t you forget
that face of yours isn’t so great”
Oh do you remember all those panic attacks you gave me?
You clawed at my stomach and tied it in knots
You stole the breath out of my lungs and made my head pound
And for what?
It was just all to pull me down
Because of you
Every time I meet a new face

 

My mind only ponders
How many flaws does this person see?
You have me chained and will never let me be
And at night
When I’m trying to sleep
You faintly whisper to me
“Remember that time you made a mistake?”
You remind me of all the times I have failed
You are a dark cloud that always looms near
Day in and day out
I know you are never far behind
Like a snake you slink and you slither
Always following closely, always ready to strike
 

My fears, My doubts
My failures, My flaws

These are the ingredients that make up your venom
You plunge your fangs deep into my skin
To create a deep scar is your one goal
You want to hear me scream
You want to break my will
You want me to hate myself

 

My body, My voice

My smile, My weight

You want me to hate them all for it gives you pleasure
But now after a long twelve years
I am breaking up with you
Yes, you heard me correctly
But once more if you didn’t comprehend

We’re done, finished
There is not more we
It’s just me now
I know when you read this you’ll laugh and sneer
“You can never get away.
Remember you’ve tried this before,
and did it work? Of course not you fool”
But that’s where you are wrong Anxiety
This time it’s different
I am not alone
I have my friends and my family who stand by my side
You will no longer rule my life
You will not pull me down
I am stronger that you think
I am determined and ready
I hope you do not think this is petty
But I must tell you this
You, Anxiety, mean nothing to me
You have failed in your quest
I am now freed from your shackles
I am taking back my life
And I am going to be me
You have no more pull
No more sway
Your power has vanished
I do know
That every now and then
You will show up once again

And try to drag me back down
To make me yours once more
But it will not work
For I am in control
You cannot take advantage
So farewell once more
And never come back
For if you do
I will not be the one who fails
 

No longer yours,
Olivia

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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