Dear High School Bullies

Dear high school bullies,

I wonder if you know what you did to me. 

I wonder if you still believe the things you said. 

I wonder if you say them around your gay friends now. I wonder if you know what you’re doing to them. 

I wonder if you know that when I’m having a bad day, it’s still your voices that fill my head, even though I haven’t heard it in over 2 years. 

So here’s to me letting go of you

and to you letting go of whatever it was that made you need to hurt me

and here’s to anyone who needs to breathe out voices in their heads

to be able to just breathe.

 

Let go of the first time you wanted to kill yourself and

Let go of the last time

Let go of the person who told you to do it

Let go of the feelings that said they were right

Let go of the nights you didn’t sleep and

the days you couldn’t move

and let go of the knives

and the scissors and the pins

you don’t need that anymore because

you’ve been through the hell they call depression

 and you’ve come back.

 

Here’s to the times you put the pills back down

Here’s to the time you first stood up for myself

Here’s to braving the hallway even though you chest is undulating in panic

Here’s to living when you didn’t want to

and smiling when you didn’t need to

Here’s to the first day you didn’t hate yourself

Here’s to the first time you said “I’m gay” in the mirror and smiled

 

I’ve found peace within myself

I’ve found pride within myself

and no one can change that now because

 

Dear high school bullies,

I’m letting go of you.

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