Dear Hopeless,

Everything will be alright. I used to find this statement condescending, however now I find comfort in this. After everything I have been through, and continue to go through, believing that “this too shall pass” gives  me the slightest bit of hope. In a korean drama I once watched, a  quote stood out to me. The quote in translation was “happiness may seem to just pass by, but sadness passes by as well”.  It's really hard though, to believe it. When I'm in my darkest moments, when hope is fleeting, I don't want to believe. How can I? When it seems the world is falling apart, and so many people are dying, how can I hope? When I see my family struggling financially and emotionally, how can I hope? When I feel a burden to my sister who is forced to take care of me, because we have no parents, how can I hope? When I feel my anxiety disorder creep up on me, and my insecurities get the best of me, how can I hope? When I remember the stinging on my face, or the bruises on my body, how can I hope? When I’m with my thoughts and think that I'll be poor, miserable, and alone for the rest of my life, how can I hope? How can anyone hope? I've learned that this question doesn't matter. It's the answer that's important. Its that I have to hope. That we have no choice but to hope. I know that if I give in to my fears I will become them. If I give into my fears, I will be all that my parents forced upon me. If I give into my fears, I will never be more than my dark past, and a product of two people who made too many bad choices. If I go to college I will better myself and my siblings. I will show them that they too, can make something of themselves and will never have to settle, or live their lives based on someone else's decisions. I am eager to help others like me, so that if they have no control over their lives, at least they will have control over their minds. No one deserves to be stuck in their head and feel like they are their mental illness. No one should ever have to feel like their life isn't worth living. I want to help those who cannot help themselves. Those who need a hand in fighting their demons. I want to be that hand for them. I will give them hope. I hope.

Yours Faithfully,

Aisha Akbar