Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you think you've lost me, but you haven't.

I am right here, trapped inside.

Look into my eyes, I'm not absent!

I'm pleading, begging, screaming, "Take me out of my prison in which I hide!"

My hands reaching out for you again, then I remember,

"Why do you want me?"

 

I'm confused, further losing myself, but why?

Because I love you, more than I ever will myself.

I look through the holes of the hollow shell I and see so much.

Disappointment, criticism, and love.

I'm not who or what you want me to be.

But why should I care?

I love you, but now I unclutch.

 

I'm torn in two and it hurts.

I love you to death do us part.

But part hates you since you turned your back on me when I needed you most.

Then I see it is all in my head.

Delusions of despair and hope and love, mixed into beautiful art.

Yet its making me crazy and diminishing my shattered heart.

 

Why?

All for you.

I'm not gone, nor all that blue.

I'm just too afraid of myself, who I am, what I am.

I wonder if I am a monster, or a demon?

Then I'm told I'm a blessing, a gift, an angel,

But I have no wings, nor horns, nor fangs, nor a halo.

Then I realize, I'm only human.

 

So I will sit here.

Solitude choking.

Quietly breaking.

Slowly dying.

Forever loving.