Deceit of the Worst Kind

Location

A Mask

A Curtain

A Covering

I hide behind my face

with sadness etched into the deepest of my soul

hearing the echo of past                                                                                              mistakes

 

My heart yearns for feeling

but it has nothing to feel for

during the day, I smile and                                                                                         repeat

over and over how I am “fine”

 others just see another normal person

dragging on through the crowds,

try not to notice the pain in my eyes

They're lying to                                                                                                           themselves.

 

And when they say,   

                                                                   You can tell the truth.

They really don’t mean it.

And when they say,

                                                                          Trust me.

                                                                                                                         They're lying.

 

 

They just take and take and take and they never stop

they don’t ask how you are anymore

the flavor is gone

it’s tasteless

the magic is gone

it’s worthless

the weightless feeling of euphoria

took a tumble for the worst                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                its going downhill

 

To everyone else, I am an      i n s p i r a t i o n

why?

they see the me that I want them to.

they see the me that I am not.

 

I am not the happy, bubbly, adventurous,

intelligent, dauntless, energetic,

daring, talkative, delightful,

eager, diligent, enthusiastic,

and determined young woman that they know.

 

I am broken inside.

 

I’ve learned to smile when they are watching

I am a wreck

Why is it that we’re so quick to judge others?

is it innate?

is it learned over time?

is it                                                                                                                                     the

fact that we all know we do it, but won’t admit it?

I feel I don’t have a place in this world

but maybe one day someone will light the                                                                fire.

The fire that hasn’t yet been lit

but why try to when so many people disappoint

because that’s all they know to do?

The reason I keep it in

the reason I keep my flames                                                                                         dulled

why should everyone see me for who I really am?

just a pathetic, shattered girl.

it’s like they're chanting it, over and                                                                             over

I can’t take any more of it.

it’s too much for me to handle.

why is this happening?

Time and                                                                                                                            time

again, I’ve been told to be wary. 

I guess I have to be more careful next time.

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