Deep Into My Heart

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You think that you know, you think that you see
What really goes on inside of me
You know my name, you know my face
But you don't care about my taste 
I f*** things up, I tear things down
You have no idea what goes around
 
Inside my head, you won't see
Concrete buildings "as solid as me"
You'll see black rose petals, torn to pieces
It's shredded up, it's beaten down
But from the outside, it's just a frown
I have no scars, from cutting my fists
But you'll see blood, up and down my wrists
 
I try to be happy, but that doesn't work
It used to be easy, now it's just worse,
The pain inside me increases each day
I wonder how long I will take to wait
To escape from my pain, to except my fate
I wont listen to you, for your godly words
I don't need a preacher or even a priest
Just let me be me and accept my "feat"
 
My life is a burden, my life is a fail
It's so completely wrong, I can't undo right
in what I've done to people, it's soaring like a kite
My life is hell daily, I'm getting more used to it
As the times come and go, I sit here and wait
For that day to become clear, where I will pass through
To satans hands, where I will die too
 
My hands are cold, while I sit here and type
I want you to know, I hope you liked the fight
Of my survival skills, as depression will bite
It bites like a shark, just out of sight
It seeks of your body, it wants it so bad
It attacks until the day you aren't sad
It rips you up into a billion pieces
Like scattered seaweed, on the beaches
 
Nothing can describe the way I feel
One day it'll be fixed, I won't have to heal
The scars on body, the scars in my mind
It will take more than time for me to bind
Nobody cares, no one can understand
How I always feel, just stuck in the sand
Who would care if I were to die??
I don't think it's even that hard to try
Why should I even try to believe
But you should be relieved
 
I started to cut, it felt very good
To feel the pain, under this hood
Under my smile and laugh
A girl who wants to die on her behalf
People think it's selfish, but they don't know
How it feels to be as dead and low
As you can possibly be, to want it to end
But I can't tell you how much this will bend
 
I pull the razor against my skin,
Just like a dolphins fin
Slicing through the water, cutting it deep
Through my flesh, I don't want to keep
My body alive, no one would weep
I'll take that one fateful leap
It falls through the cracks, it starts to seep
The blood from my veins, begins to creep
Down my arm, it falls away into a heap
 
The noose in my hand, the stool on the ground
What's happening to me my head's starting to pound
It's so easy to be lost, but harder to be found
The speed of a bullet, fast enough for sound
I'm slipping away into a silent void
It's violence but I'm not annoyed
A glance to the left a glance to the right
I'm not strong enough to fight
I stand alone, I stand on the edge 
While I'm waiting, I slip my toes off the ledge
 
I fall to the ground, but it seems like forever 
I'm numb as can be, this isn't whatever 
I see blackness, this is for real
I'm gone forever, certificate of death seal
This is going to take forever to heal
Now my tears are the color of teal
The pain hurts so badly, I can't feel
I'm so numb now I can't give detail
Cus I know I'm such an epic fail
 
Breathing is such a pain
But being here is so insane
I started falling with all the rain
I'm switching the lane
Let's go back to the refrain
Me living here, isn't the main
My life just isn't the same 
I have these feelings, I've got to tame 
But while I'm living, I'll be lame 
I don't want to create fame
By this silly little game
 
You get so f****** pissed off at me,
You asked me a question, I answered it you see 
You're "trying to help", but you just get mad
Then you wonder why I get so sad 
CUS YOU WON'T STOP F****** YELLING
This act you try to perform isn't selling
You wonder why I don't like talking to you
Cus almost anytime I try, it ends with me too
I know it, I should just f****** leave
But I can't do s***, it makes me want to heave
 
I'm as dead as can be
So why can't I be free??
I can't find a remedy
Nothing can protect me
From the deadly sea
My tears fall to the ground,
As years wait to be found
While the world goes round
Without music there is no sound
 
I'm showered with warmth, but I'm covered in cold
The pain inside me, keeps growing like mold
I cant hold up my head
I'm going to bed
To escape from this nightmare
That I cannot share 

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