Definition

 

The Oxford dictionary has 171,476 words in current use

Words created from the same 26 letters we learned in kindergarten

One word that is not within its pages- six letters, two syllables

The word that gets my attention

A word spoken by so many people with my face in their minds

My name.

 

A person is not defined by their mistakes

Or their pasts

So they tell me

But when I’m looking in the mirror, my god, it’s so hard to see

My body without words inked on my skin.

 

Mistakes.

Flaws.

Harmatias.

Errors.

 

The voices in my head say that I am unworthy.

That I’m not worth love or affection so to speak

That I am poisonous.

 

We let ourselves be defined

By GPAs

By how many boys ask for our numbers

By whether or not or we get asked to dance

By how many people like our pictures online

I am tired of letting myself be defined.

 

Beside my name will not be

The labels others have given

I will not be driven into silence

My dreams are not impractical

I am talented

I am loved

I am worthy.

 

Look at yourself in that mirror

Wipe your tears and the lies of the people who have wronged you

Say it with me

I am loved.

I am worthy.

I am not defined by the pills I take at night before bed so that I may have control over my mind

Because nature didn’t give me the reigns initially

I am not defined by the boy who turned his back on me

Because even though he hurt me

He taught me that I need to love myself

I am not defined by my medical chart

I am not defined by the moments of anxiety that send me collapsing into a ball on the floor

With a hand against my chest and the other against my head

Because my brain and lungs are on fire

I am not defined by those panic attacks

I am not defined by the number of times I have thought about death

I am not defined by the number of people I have pushed away

 

I am not defined by the people who have hurt me

By the number of drinks my mother has taken

By the number of times I have hurt people

The numbers of times that I should’ve said sorry but didn’t

I am not defined by the number of times I have cried myself to sleep

Because I feel like I am a mistake

Say it with me darling, I am not a mistake

There are no such things as accidents

Even if you don’t believe in a god

That doesn’t mean that the universe didn’t want you

 

In the end we are all just stories

But you still get to choose yours

You are defined by the people you love and give the world

By the hearts you touch

By the people who love you unconditionally for everything that you are

You are defined for the things that make you beautiful-

For the worlds that you breathe into existence when you write

Or the books you love

Or the songs you listen to on repeat for weeks

You are defined by what makes you a person

By what makes you beautiful

By everything and everyone you’ve ever adored

You choose what you define yourself by

And what stories they tell about you in the end.

 

The Oxford dictionary has 171,476 words in it

And maybe one of them won’t be your name one day

But you can still choose who you are and what defines you.

 

Say it with me.

I am loved

I am beautiful

I am worthy

I am loved

I am beautiful

I am worthy.