on depression (explicit)

Wed, 10/01/2014 - 18:12 -- 15cfisk

I sit here quietly

And my eyes go dead again

And I am in this house too much

And hold on a minute because I'm drowning

And nevermind I'm fine I just needed

A snatch of music

A lyric to embroider 

Onto the surface of my

Rotting cracked heart

Something to get me through the day

Because I'll be even worse when school starts again

For fuck's sake I was crawling to the finish line

This time last year

And I used to think I could escape it by cutting it out of my veins

I used to think but I never got brave enough to try

I know better now

I know that it hides in my body and lays atop the deepest parts of my bones

And it settles there like a ghost made of bridal whites and lace

And I think about him sometimes, too

And how I hate him

But not really

Because I will always love him more

And I try not to slip down the hole

Because it's so much easier to fall down the rabbit hole

Than it is to sit and the top and stare at the sky

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741