Destruction

Have you ever felt a forest fire in your wrists?

Have you ever felt your blood in waves through your veins, boiling, melting your skin?

Have you ever opened up your body and let the extra blood out, let it cool off and felt the waves subside?

Have you ever watched yourself bleed to quiet the voices in your brain?

I have mixed salt water from my eyes with the red metal from my legs and watched them mix in my bathtub.

I have taken a kitchen knife to my shoulders in place of dinner, and felt more than full.

I have opened veins so I could close my eyes and maybe rest, if only a few minutes.

I have rubbed ice cubes over my wrists, trying to numb them the way the blades do, I never wanted to be a slave to this addiction.

I have drawn lines on my legs in attempt to silence the voices, the voices that beg for silver to release red.

I have run away from the demons, feet pounding on asphalt, and some days I'm fast enough. But not always.

I have listened to music through ear buds at dangerous volumes to keep the blood from pouring out at dangerous volumes.

I am still alive.

Some days that is all I can ask for.

Most days, it is enough.

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