I am teeter-tottering on the skinny silver lining of the life I'm currently living.
I balance in bliss and blind myself from my own discontent.
Discontentment wedged itself inside the fat walls of my Daddy's wallet and
Beside my own ungratefulness.
I have a dirty mountain of material misguidance that barely fits in my cold closet.
Post-poor kid forgot the pains of poverty.
Now I'm trying to fill the void of
Left inside my greedy big-kid chest.
Subconsciously substituting loneliness for any good blades on sale.
At least I can still think about the relief it would buy me.
Karma sent Longing and Emptiness on a 'round-the-world tour.
They came, and I saw, and I felt everything I never felt before,
While feeling absolutely, agonizingly alone.
I'm expecting my old suicidal idealizations to stop by a visit.
Dancing into my dreams, they'll film my dream hand cutting open my
Dreamy blood dripping down my dream arm
Drowning me with all the feelings I still don't understand,
And still can't rid myself of.
But maybe I don't completely want to.
When my swollen eyes meet the morning's gaze
The idealizations will show me the videos they took.
I won't look away.
I will revel in the extremes that I felt
Like the halfway-emo kid I always was.
Revel in my own emotional instability,
Or my obsession with it.
I am okay, but my brain is wandering.
I have what I need, but never what I desire.
Becuase I am always wanting
To feel, to own, to experience the physical and emotional extremes
Of being alive.