Divorced

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 16:32 -- Jenny


As I release you from my life , for the first time, I can breathe. I'll inhale my first breath of oxygen, more desperate then a nonstop smoker. I've coughed up all internal grief, shed every tear capable. My throat can now take a break from the pain of holding it all in.

All this because I let you go. I no longer wanted to sit in your darkness. Over and over I wanted to die .You cut my insides up and I wanted so badly to show it on the outside. You beat me up, and bruises visible only to my innocent eyes was what you wanted. 

But I could never bring myself to do it. You've caused me to bring myself down, to the point where I was worthless in my own eyes. You tied me in chains with a plethora of knots in every direction. I cried and cried.

Sometimes you'd let me out to put on a show for others, only I'd come right back into the same life threatening situation. I hate you, I hate thinking of you, I hate bringing you up. But I can say I'm strong at writing about you and helping people not be fooled by you .

You took everything from me, I wasn't anything to you. You twisted my mind and made me shut out others who were good. And when some of them actually rejected me, I came back to you. I let you embrace me with pain.

You wrapped me in disgrace and made me feel disgusting. I couldn't speak, because I was stuck in my comfort zone. I knew you were hurting me and I needed help. You clinged on my chest so I couldn't let anyone see the shame you brought upon my life, but finally I wrote. I wrote it all down.

What you did to me and what you've made me go through. And now I can say I've stepped out of those shoes. I am no longer someone who lost, but a winner. I've gained the world. Because I decided to leave you behind, I can breathe in a new life.


No longer am I suffocating when you whisper in my ear don't tell. I will put you in a safe place, somewhere nobody can find you, and when I finally open you up again, it will be to encourage others.

Dear PAST, I'm officially divorced from you. And as I continue to write my heart will heal of everything you've done. I will find the pieces you threw so far away, and once again, I'll live.

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741