Do You Like What I've Done To The Place?

 

Every time someone would ask me my sexuality,

I would feel the words get caught in my throat

And I’d try my hardest not to swallow them down.

If only I could do something brave,

Like tell the truth.

But it was hard enough to come out as gay,

How could I ever stand to

Salt the wound?

Add gasoline to the flames?

When I came out,

It felt a lot more like an apology.

I cannot bear another I’m sorry.

I would not dare to make this anymore complicated.

But see,

My gender is a puzzle I can never seem to piece together.

I have woman stitched up inside of me

And everyday I take apart the threads.

She is so easy to leave

But so hard to stay gone.

I try paint a picture of who I feel I’m meant to be

But it seems like I’ll never be a masterpiece

People think I do it for show

Until they realize that I've never dropped the act.

I fight myself

Like this is a wrestling match

and I need to win the title.

I wear the word woman but it has never belonged to me.

The costume never seems to fit.

I carry the word woman around like a constant reminder of who I will never be.

I wish I could just put her down.

I hear the word woman and wonder why it never feels like home.

One day I hope I’ll find a way to rearrange this misplaced furniture,

So I can have a place to call my own.

Years from now I’ll look myself in the mirror

And inside of me he’ll ask,

“Do you like what I’ve done with the place?”

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
My country

Comments

Hunter Mattocks

This poem is very good. It lacks structure, but I love the raw emotion. As a gay person myself, it is very relatable. Very good job!

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