Honesty is the best policy
So why is it I keep lying to myself?
Why do I keep lying to myself every morning in the mirror?
Nathan, you're getting fat
Nathan, you're too big
You must conform
Be what they want you to be
Nathan, you're failing
Be strong, be ripped
Stripped of your pride, your love, your self, the beating heart inside of very your chest
Just be what they want you to be
Do it, do it now
I want to be athletic
But all I see is pathetic
You are nothing, you are darkness, you are night
You must believe every syllable that they speak is right
Nathan, you're unattractive
Nathan, you have to much acne
Your facial hair looks like pubic hair
No no no, an S.O.S. pad
Hey, fat ass
Hey, faggot
Hey, fuck you
Nathan! Wake up...
I hate my morning routine
I drag myself out of bed
Look at myself in mirror
Look myself directly in the eye
And I say, "I fucking hate you"
Some mornings I feel helpless
Some mornings I feel like reaching for the blades in the drawer even though I haven't done that shit since freshman year
Every morning I look into the mirror and see my reflection and the glass, it shatters
Every morning I break my own heart
Every morning I watch a movie called, "You Are Not Good Enough"
I have a collection of recollections tattooed to my self-esteem
So that every time I dream, the ink blurs into every faded memory
It comes back and it haunts me
I recall every slip of the tongue, every stuttering syllable, every whisper, every laugh from that group of 'too good for you' girls
Every morning I feel like the red headed step child of God's creation
Every morning my bones ache, my lungs feel bruised, my heart is heavy
Every morning I swallow sorrow
I carve their words into my skin
I bleed out the pain
Every morning my heart commits suicide inside of my chest
My heart beat and beat til it beat itself to death
They say, you hear things so often that eventually you start believing them
This is me bearing my most vulnerable thoughts
I've never been comfortable in my own skin
I've often said I am a teddy bear and I grizzly bear's body
And nobody... Understands