Ex-nationalist

you embrace my tiny frame / gently, your arms are wrapped around my waist / and i trust you / they steadily inch upwards

 

in my mind i replay this scene / over and over and over / yet i still cannot see it coming / i still cannot anticipate the way you took my breath away/ i wish i could say that in some romantic or poetic sort of fashion / but suddenly your hands latched around my neck

 

you strangled and choked and beat me / your knees dug into my back / until my eyes screamed Orion and Cassiopeia / for the first time, i wondered / what do your spangled stars mean anyway? / my lungs gasped for air / as sleep engulfed me so did those briny tears

 

in that same bed, i slept every night / how could i question your love? / when you protected me / when you gave me sweet water to drink / when you let me roam to my heart’s content / i could’ve had it worse / therefore i loved you

 

until a sweet epiphany

 

consciously, i pondered / how could i live in the “land of the free” / when you pick and choose my liberties like cherries in June / i wish the thought of breathing wouldn’t run through my mind / it is persistent and pervasive / and stressful to always be clutching my neck / i am a watchdog / keeping vigil on your inevitable ambushes / you traitor / i placed my blind trust / into your convenience and prejudice

 

love for you continues to leak out of my heart / like broken whiskey bottles on a stale bar floor / their droplets clinging to the shattered glass / i’m not sure if i could ever love you again

 

i will not love you until i am sure /  i am safe / that is, if that day ever comes

 

This poem is about: 
My country

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