Fallen From Grace

I’ve fallen,

Hard,

I don’t know the way back,

And I’m confused.

Was my  belief in You too empty?

Did I not give enough?

Was I not good?

I knew of You,

At least,

I mean,

I thought I did.

But I wasn’t willing,

All the way was too far,

And I couldn’t give up that much of my heart.

You don’t understand,

Though,

How could I give all of my heart,

To a God I don’t even know?

And even after that,

Even with the belief,

If You are,

Who You say,

You are,

What could You want?

With me.

I’m dirty,

Sinful,

Rotten,

And now,

Ashamed.

And here I am.

And there You are.

And I.

I just don’t measure up.

You’re,

Amazing.

Awesome,

In its most literal form.

Human words can’t even begin to attempt describing You.

And I’m a loser.

I sit here,

Before You.

And tell You that my all,

My minute,

Finite,

Infinitesimal contribution,

Was too much,

For me,

To give back,

To You.

I’m deceived by my own lies,

And I’ve waited too long.

My race has been run,

And I was disqualified,

Before I even started.

Please,

Just let me be a warning,

To those I’ve lead astray.

Because where I’ve ended up,

Where I’ve put myself,

No one ever wants to be.

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