Fat

A word that tears at my throat and breaks the dams in my eyes

Stretch marks

Battle wounds from a battle that I lost with myself

Fat 

That fucking skinny girl is lying when she says "You're not fat!" because she's being polite

Ugly 

A synonym for me

Big girl

A nice way of calling me fat so that's I don't fall apart in public

Extra large

Barely fits now

And as I sink to the ground in the dressing room balling what I should be in my hands I can't help but weep

The mirror is like a dagger to my heart 

I hate what I see

I cover my eyes so I don't feel the pain

But I feel it all the same 

When the pants don't fit

The dress is a little too tight

And it's an extra large

I hate being fat

I hate what I have become

I sacrificed my sanity for a head start

But at what point can I start

Reconstructing my mind 

And stop hating myself 

When can I take the time to love myself

Instead of him

When will I ever be good enough

When will I stop crying at night

Where can I buy confidence on sale

Because there is none to be found here