Fathers

It's funny because I said I had dad issues

You seemed disappointed when I said I didn't want children

So eventually I agreed. 

One day

Someday

You'd be a better father than mine was

I'd be a better mother than yours was.

One day

Someday

We would have a daughter who wasn't afraid to say

"My boyfriend is out of control"

We would have a son who wasn't afraid to say

"I need help"

We would have a child that wasn't afraid to say 

"Can we change my name?"

One day

Someday

Rolled around too fast

I was five hundred miles away

And your lips had drifted into a room that smelled of whiskey

One day

Someday

Rolled around when I didn't know it

Rolled around when I was coating my insides with Vicodin

And my outside with cuts

And to my this day, today baby,

I am sorry.

I did not know.

And whether you died from me

Or the absolute insanity and dysfunction of our chromosomes

I'm sorry.

One day

Someday

Quickly became 

No day

Never

So I told him about you.

Once.

Just once we carried a conversation.

It was short lived as you, baby.

That was the final line.

He never talked about you like my father never talked about me.

So I did all I could.

I named you.

Addison Sage.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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