every night while i lay in bed, before i try and go to sleep. i re-accept my inevitable death and it’s comings.. i accept that I could suffocate, burn to death, drown, decapitation. Every night this floods my brain, and i have a brief moment of panic and terror. And i feel like the floor under my bed will collapse, or a plane will crash into my room at that exact moment. Every single night. It comes and goes. I accept it. And i wonder will this happen forever? I don’t want to have to accept my fate every night. It being horrific or not. My process is, statistically, something awful happens to someone , somewhere in the world every second. Why wouldn’t it be me. Having to go through this routine in my bed in the dark at the same time every night is really starting to bore and drive me mad. I wake up every morning scared, again. But I have no time to talk myself out of the bullshit because I have things to do. People to worry about. People to fear. Moments to fear, and it makes me want to take my own fate into my own hands. But that’s just another statistic.