I once was a girl with fear whispering in her ear. Pulling me far and drawing me near. Weaving poison into a story to be merged within my very being. There to sieze a whiff of the life I was breahthing. For a while I was bold and told fear to leave me alone. But fear left me surrounded by the dark and unknown. And I searched for it; the light. But my eyelids were closed, pulled over my eyes like a curtain drawn tight.
Fear took over and paralyzed my personality. It stole my joy and individual vocality. Sealing my lips and dictating my behavior. It deadened my spirit and absorbed all of my flavor. Fear became me. I was fear afraid of happy. Fear, desperate to escape failure by lying down. Fear, cowering beneath their disapproving frowns. I was so consumed with fear so I searched for the light. But my eyelids were closed, pulled over my eyes like a curtain drawn tight.
One day those curtains are going to peel back and my eye lids will rise. And I'll see the girl in the mirror for who she really is instead of her disguise. I'll reveal her to the world with an unwaivering pride. She'll no longer have to hide concealed inside.
One day I'll put the facades to rest. I'll be comfortable in the skin I used to detest. I'll show the teeth I once hid behind my raised hand. I'll open the door to my mind and allow my ideas to stroll from my mouth with an air of command. I'll turn the gears to my seldom used, rusty voice. I'll make my own decisions if given a choice. I will no longer fear the possibilties that the unknown holds. Especially if that means reshaping and forcing my personality to fit into different molds.
Because I am not this fear that I've been living in. I am not this shell where fear carved out all the human. But I am a person who has to start all over. To rewrite my story, but this time with a new author.
So I fold the curtain and place it on the shelf. And I search for it; the light with which to find myself.