to feel

come here
come a little closer


let me tell you a secret,
something no one will ever hear
because frankly,
most don't listen


let me tell you things no one knows,
let me tell you my thoughts i am too afraid
to say aloud
and my opinions that would offend
half of the people i know


let me tell you my biggest fears,
my wildest dreams,
stories from when i was a little girl
with wide eyes and the whole world
stretched out in front of me


let me tell you about when that little girl grew cold
as a sort of defense
and learned how easy it was
to distance yourself from everything
around you


i could tell you more about myself
in a few lines
of ink on paper
than i ever could in conversation;
i rip my heart to shreds
and plaster the pieces on a page,


and t.s. eliot had a theory
that if we didn't have
a word for something
it didn't exist in our reality.
and i sometimes wonder when i am trying
to vocalize my thoughts
if that's why i can feel myself fading away.


that is why i write
to fill in the gaps
to feel real
to feel complete
to feel



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