Fingernails

I chewed all of my fingernails off last night

Ripped them away as if they were only tarnished paper

Unable to clasp my necklaces or untangle knots right

My fingers bled like the wounds of my savior

 

That being myself who knew that fingernails were pertinent

For your hands cannot function when they are constantly bruised

The pain is as excruciating as love that is permanent

Exposed to the elements whose only talent is abuse

 

I left my home and the family I loved last week

Walked out the front door as if it were a dwelling unfamiliar

Down the driveway and into a world where I could not speak

For myself and who I was was a quitter

 

A failure that ran from rejection as if it were fire

Kept myself away from the flames of justification

But who I am is a liar

An empty vessel lacking all motivation

 

I told myself I was happy last month

Looked long and hard at the stained bathroom mirror

But lying to myself could have never been enough

And the emotions I felt had never been more clear

 

That the love I felt for myself had been a figment of my imagination

An apparition out of desperation

I had set myself up for this decimation

As if it were only a love declaration

 

I watched you walk away last year

Skipped the kiss goodbye and left me torn apart

No emotion in your heart and a refrain from tears

As you broke all of your promises and killed this beating heart

 

As one we were

And I can still remember your touch

But now you are the man I could never prefer

And unconditional love is not enough

 

Today I thought I saw you walking down the street

A quick glimpse into a world no longer known

My stride did not waver and my body did not grow weak

And I was glad I saw you walking alone

 

Tomorrow I will venture outside of my mind

Take in the beauty around me

For a year you kept me confined

But this year I will finally be able to see.

This poem is about: 
Me

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