Fucking Magnificent
Location
Magnificence was not something I questioned as I child
Certain People deserved to be heard
Certain People were given vocal chords that played like a string quartet
Certain People have hands that do not shake when they raise them in class
Certain People puff out their chests
stand up straight
Certain People were born to be magnificent
It was always a scientific fact
that I was not one of those Certain People
Because when I speak
I preface my over-analyzed thoughts with my most commonly used word
"sorry"
When I reach out to someone
My fingers tremble and my palms sweat
I spend everyday just trying to turn concave
trying to make way
for Certain People
My lack of significance was not something I questioned as a child
Elitists
Misogynists
Homophobes
Ableists
Racists
All of the above
All trying to shove
Lower middle class
gay Cuban atheist girls with disabled fathers
Out of the way
I was taught
to lower my voice
to act like a lady
to find a nice boyfriend who could support me
to cross my legs and count my calories
to never swear
to always say "I'm sorry"
and to "just keep some things to yourself, darling"
like my dying dad
But there has been a changing of the tides
I am now learning that Certain People
just do not exist
I was taught
to be uncertain
unimportant
to make room
These messages that I was programmed to digest and absorb since infancy
are toxic
but I am trying to rewrite my programming
I cannot retrieve the years I lost
or the things I was too scared to say
These wounds take a lifetime to heal
because even though my tongue was made to fit in my mouth
It is a scientific fact
That it will never comfortably sit behind my teeth
Because I know every word I speak is still taken with a grain of salt
But from now on
I will stretch my vocal chords to play my own symphony
My shaking fingers will stretch towards the sky
And I will not apologize
Because we are all
Fucking Magnificent