All I really need
Is the power of women in my roots
And my memories
And that is enough because
You remind me of my grandmother.
She flows through my bloodstream
And some days
I even think she moves me.
I even think she is waltzing with me.
She loved rum and coke
Kisses on the collarbone
And the lull of hummingbird wings
That she heard as she sank into love
And yes, I mean sank
Because there was nothing about her love
That was akin to falling
It was slow
It was steady and metronomic
You love like her.
I remember the smell of her
I remember her sound
Filled my eardrums with cigarette smoke
I remember her skin
The infinite shades of harmony
She couldn’t help but waltz to
She stirred my dreams in and out of existence
I remember the chap of her lips
As she put them to my ear
Her voice reminiscent of too many
Saturday nights in speakeasies
You should know how easy it is to lose yourself
When promises are spoken like secrets
And she whispered betrayals
She spoke of how her body betrayed her
She could feel her bones dancing the macabre without permission
Her nerve endings firing
Like shots overseas
You should know how easy it is to forget
How easy would it be to just forget?
But all I need is to remember
When her body was no longer hers to give away
When the disease had taken over
And she lay there
And waltzing through her universe
To a Charlie Parker tune.
I see her
How her eyes had sunflowers in them.
I had never noticed before
And even though her body had wilted
Her eyes were in full bloom
Sprouting from the body bags that hung beneath them
You’ve wilted, like she did.
Your melody has faltered
And I remember how her movements slowed
And her bones invited her home
She finally felt she could give herself away again
I hold her crushed powder and peppermint in the crook of my neck
The joint in my elbow
The back of my knee
Anywhere that bends because
The hidden places on my body
Are the ones she knew best
And I will wait
Until I can see her again
Maybe you will see her too.
All you need is to remember
Remember in the bubbles of a bottle of coca cola, like I did yesterday.
In the dissonance of a symphony, like I did this morning.
In the very air around you, like I do
She is palpable.
Because every day I remember her anew
I search for a sign
That she is sinking into the clouds in heaven
Because her heart is just so heavy and I know
She always had trouble fighting the weight.