Hello reflection.

How are you today?

 

You ever sit and ponder,

You ever sit and wonder,

If they actually saw who you were,

Do you think they would lock you up now?

 

Insanity.

 

Death doesn’t scare me.

Is that weird?

My death doesn’t scare me.

While it may hurt, when someone dies, I merely accept it.

 

Life seems more scary than anything.

You have to live with something,

A choice,

A person,

A loss,

A place,

A condition,

A thing…

 

If you don’t live the life you were meant for, 

If you don’t pursue what you were made for, 

If you don’t do what you’re passionate about, 

You die inside, and that seems a fate worse than death itself.

 

Yet, people live and die everyday.

Life goes on,

Death continues to happen.

 

People fear death,

Yet, the closer you get to it,

The more alive you feel.

 

When you risk it all,

When you let go,

When you keep going,

When it seems impossible,

When you cheat death,

Look it in the eye,

You laugh, because you feel alive.

 

You may be scared shitless,

But the heart pounding in your chest,

The air you suck in, 

The knots in your stomach,

Remind you that you’re alive,

And that you’re functioning.

 

You’re not sitting on your ass waiting for something to start because you went out and did something. 

 

You are living.

 

It’s so easy to go through the motions of life.

And while it may seem like someone is “functioning” 

They may even seem to “have it all”

They could have died years ago.

 

To live in fear is also a form of death. 

If it constricts you to limit yourself. 

If it keeps you from risking, fear has won, and death consumes your soul.

 

I’m not adapting to the meaning of Y.O.L.O.

One should not use this term to do or say something stupid,

One should not risk their life for a stupid thrill.

 

I’m merely saying that you shouldn’t be afraid of yourself,

Don’t be afraid of what you could accomplish.

Even if a risk doesn’t turn out how you want it to,

At least you have an answer,

A story to tell,

Wisdom to share,

Scars to show.

 

A smile,

A tear,

Something.

 

I don’t fear death,

I fear an empty life, 

Where one day I look in the mirror and hate the person I see because she died long ago,

Because she stopped taking risks,

She stopped believing in herself,

She stopped fighting,

She gave up,

She let them shove her in a box,

And just accepted what life had to offer.

 

She became an empty shell,

She’s cold,

She no longer understands what’s wrong with herself, nor does she care.

She no longer knows where her happiness lies.

 

I don’t fear death,

I fear a meaningless life.

 

Insanity. 

 

But here I am on the other side.

But here I am trying to hide.

 

Here I stand,

Wearing a mask,

Hiding behind a curtain,

Let others see you bigger than you are.

 

Maybe then they won’t turn away.

If they think I’m special,

If they think I can help them.

 

There are days when I hate myself,

Or is it you I hate?

How you make me feel,

How I make me feel.

 

You loved me enough to leave,

You may say there’s something special about me,

But if you really believed that,

Why did you turn the other way?

 

Bullshit.

That’s all they had.

 

If I stay here,

If I don’t let them see,

I don’t have to fear their rejection,

I don’t have to labelled “Mal-function”.

 

If I have it all together,

Then no one can let me down,

If I only rely on myself,

I can’t blame anyone else.

 

I can appear to be strong,

That way, when I let you in,

Maybe you’ll see,

How truly special you are to me.

 

Insanity.

 

Hello reflection.

Who are you today?