The girl who I intend to be

Sat, 11/29/2014 - 14:30 -- LenaR

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Pay no mind to the girl behind the curtain

She’s not the girl who I intend to be

So don’t listen to her words

Don’t encourage her actions

She’s not the person I want you to see

I woke up one day to find

That I was her

And that she was me

 

I am not the freethinker

whom I strive to be

Nor the leader

that I wish to be

Never have I been the poet

I try to be

But the girl that you see

She’s closer to these things than me

 

Make no mistake

She is not who I intend to be

She’s angrily isolated

Can’t find the words

Too afraid to speak

Feels her voice has faded

Struggles to get up

Hard time staying focused

Uninterested and unmotivated

But she’s come a long way from being me

 

At this moment

I’m someone who I don’t know

Still someone I’m proud to be

I’m not the person who I was a year ago

Nor even the person I was yesterday

Everyday I feel like

Someone I don’t truly know

 

Always inching closer

To a person I want to be

She walks

She smiles

She looks like me

Yet she doesn't talk

Or cry

Or stare like me

 

She lives on the other side of this looking glass

In her own wonderland

A world of magic

I envy her

She can run there

whenever things are tragic

Yet I have to hide my face

I have to wear a mask

I don’t have that safe place

 

I can cover the tears

Numb the pain

Take on the world

Ignoring my fears

Keep going forward

Never glancing back

Throwing away all I’ve held dear

All to become the girl who I intend to be

 

I can crumble

I can break

Never speak

Only mumble

Struggle to keep balance

But in the end

Always fumble

I could always stay the girl behind the curtain.

 

But that’s not who I’ve chosen to be

I’m slowly ripping off the mask

It’s a very painful process

If you’re going to ask

 

With every piece that falls away

On my face I feel a scar

With every patch of exposed skin

A bruise forms in its place

My reflection constantly tells me

“It’s because this is who you are”

“This is the price for your sin”

Yet still I will pull off the mask

Until there is none of it left.

 

One day you’ll see

I will become the person I fight to be

And the girl behind the curtain

She’ll just be a reflection of the old me

 

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