I’m empty,

unstable,

scared,

and lonely.

 

Have no guidance,

have no direction,

have no Godly interpretations.

 

Work professionally in Bellevue,

live residentially in Seattle,

worship is wherever,

as I’m uncommitted and spiritually unsettled.

 

Pastors preach about God’s love,

unconditional it’s to be,

yet being Asian in America,

It’s hard to believe.

 

I have no home,

no apartment,

or even an office,

I can call my own.

 

Instead,

I wake up each day,

wondering how much longer must this go on?

 

It’s not 40 years in the desert,

like the Old Testament stories,

but 4 years seems long enough,

to question my own longings.

 

I made this sacrifice to get to where I am,

but where am I?

 

“I am where God wants me” is the way to believe,

I’m trying to trust,

leave it all on the altar,

but how much more Lord,

before I succumb and falter?

 

I had a dream,

not quite like Martin Luther King,

he focused on civil rights,

mine’s about culture, family, race

and how it’s tied to emotional rights,

 

The freedom to think,

to feel free to dream,

free to embrace who God made you to be.

 

The gift of being you,

the gift of being seen,

the gift of being known,

God’s gift to humanity.

 

Despite the despair,

I clutch to this hope,

it’s the dream God’s planted in me,

for all to experience,

 his promise of eternity.