Good Enough

I have imagined his return

More times than I have missed him

More times than I can breathe

More times than my heart has beat

 

I can’t inhale the idea

Of him knowing the truth

Of him giving the truth

Of him wanting to know me

 

He’s got a vice grip around my throat

Choking out my willpower

Yet he doesn’t even know me

Not anymore, at least

 

The way he pretended to love me

The way he said he was my friend

The way I loved him

The way I was his friend

Showed me I wasn’t good enough

 

I wasn’t good enough for his truth

I wasn’t good enough for something real

I will never be good enough

Not for anyone, not anymore

 

It was like breathing in flames

The flames of a secret arson

Designed to slowly destroy me

From the inside out

 

Now everything feels like fire

Every time I think I’m ready

He whispers over my shoulder

All the lies I believed in once before

 

Fool me once

I’ll try to heal the burns with ice

Fool me twice

I’ll never love again

 

He injected me with a loveless drug

So that the idea of love

Would never feel right

Would never seem real

And now I am an addict

 

The lies are imbedded in my skin

Seeping out of my pores

Like an assurance to my idiocy

The fumes filling the room with silent panic

 

The death of the heart

Did it cause the rise of the brain?

Or the rise of his dictatorship?

Rendering me hopeless

 

Am I good enough for honesty?

I still blame myself for everything

The loss of him

The lies he sold

 

The truth is,

He wasn’t good enough

Worth nothing at all

Cause in the real world

Liars were not made to love

 

They were made to set fires

And to keep them burning

Until there’s nothing left to burn

And when their victims begin to rise from the ashes

They set the world alight again

And all that can be seen is smoke.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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