I get that they're jokes
But your words hurt
They stab
They make me bleed
They break my bones
And then they crush them into a fine dust that is sold out and rationed towards every bidder
And shoved up nostrils of those who were unforgivingly hurtful just so they can get high off my misery,
I'm tired of the so called jokes
The go kill yourself
The snarky fat comments from friends
And I'm tired of being sold out
Used up
Marked on
Erased away from being myself
And torn apart
Limb by limb by hair cut
Brush stroke
By 180 characters
By reblog
By high heel and sneaker
By calorie and love handles
But why are they called love handles if they were not meant to be loved!
In the 1800s your weight represented your wealth and happiness
And now, in 2013 young girls starve themselves because they can't fit in the size 4 dress that their bestfriend let them have because it's too big for them now.
Every time she looks down at the tiniest bulge in her stomach it makes her gag so she ends up flushing every calorie down the toilet
Along with her
Happiness
And college plans
And next weeks paper
And family picnics
And mall trips
And laughter
Every broken memory
Every bruise
Every scar
Every new red slit opening up just like her heart for everyone else when they come to ask for advice but she gets no help in return.
And I look down at my wrists and up my arms and down my legs and trace over every scar
And every time my fingers rises over a white line in my pink flesh so does my self hate in my ruined body.
And then I'm forced to go to a school where Being pretty matters more than a midterm and acceptance letters
Where if your not what the 20% of what everyone is then you are mocked for not being like the rest of them.
And they say join us
But when you say no the words keep bombarding your mind and you body takes a toll and when a tear slips down your face that you worked so hard on to make perfect they say go cut yourself
Emo freak
Selfish
Dumb
Slut
Bitch
Baby
Pussy
Fat
And every other word under this colorful world that is only seen in black and white because apparently everyone is fucking colorblind
And I'm tired of being gray scale when I'm a rainbow