Hate Me

I get out of school, and I wait.
I wait for the pain I know will come.
I wait for the humiliation.
I wait for my family.

I get in the car and it hits me.
The criticism.
The mean comments.
The fists.

I ride in the back and pretend.
Pretend that my feelings are wrong.
Pretend that all siblings do this.
Pretend that it doesn't matter.

I go back to school, and pretend agian.
That I am fine.
That I am happy.
That my hugs are simply because it's Thursday.
That I am not hiding throbing bruises and emotional scars.

I talk to my friends and I joke.
Joke that my home is fine.
Joke that my feelings are on display.
Joke that I want to come home.

No one sees.
The pain in my heart,
The tears in my eyes,
The undertones in my voice.
No one sees me.

When will someone understand me?
Hug me relentlessly?
Love me with feirce determination?
Acknowledge me?

When will I find the one I need
Outside of a book,
Or a show,
Or a song?

When will I find the one who loves me?
Who knows how I truly feel?
Who asks me how I am,
And I feel comfortable enough to answer them honestly?

How long will it take to find the one who doesn't...
Hurt my feelings constantly,
Mock me endlessly,
Hate me?

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