the heart that beats for you

your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity

that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary

that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower

perchance you will listen to this confession of affection and devotion

 

that i have been suppressing in my bosom in hopes that it

will never be discovered and manipulated with a reckless revelation

one that lacks the adoration i feel for you. this piece that i have penned that confesses my hearts thoughts.

 

the day we met was an allegorical euphoria that has latched

its claws into my psyche, creating a form of insanity

that cannot be cured and creates a multitude of

ferocious innervations i can't seem to shed off.

 

our eyes unite and create a unique connection

that slowly creeps into my brain and suffocates

the rational lot in order to make space for the

childish and pure emotions that can't seem to stop

expanding.

 

when i look at you

i see the sun cast a radiance upon you

that only a fool like me could see.

 

the stars and moon

collide to gape and awe in

the pleasurable and angelic shadow

who stays ignorant of the dissension

that is occuring inside my thoughts

which are filled with him.

 

this maddening illness

will guide my self restraint and rationalism

into a pit in hell where they will dissolve

and cease to prevail.

 

but i know i cannot meet your eyes

without the feeling of inferiority

and i cannot smile without

cringing at my insecurities

that follow my body around like a

dark cloud that repels the

compliments and assurances that

many throw at me.

the laughter and smiles that

i use to cover up the cowardice

and loneliness inside.

my soul knows the truth

that you will not be able

to accept the broken

and pathetic individual

i am.

 

i have to admire you from

a distance in order to not stain

the pure glass that is you.

i have to keep my distance in

order to keep myself from breaking

even more.

the excruciating sorrow of witnessing

our nonexistent connection whither

sharply slits all of me.

 

my nativity assures me there is

some part of you that cares

a blot of optimism forms and creates

a miniature form of security.

 

your heart is hardened unconsciously

sealing away any form of desire that

might accidentally liquidate from my marrow

adding on to the toughness and simultaneously

whispering doubts and curses in your ears about me

 

this type of adoration is suicidal,

withering away any sanity and security

that enveloped the casing of my lucid mind

and prevented the heartbreak that you have

involuntarily caused.

 

all i wish is the gesture of affection that i give

to be returned with a reaction,

a sign that will tell me

if this is love or insanity.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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