hell is...

hell is when you cannot stop the tears
and you're stuck alone on a public bus
and everyone stares at you with pity
while you cry silently and pray to God
that you don't break into sobs.
and you do.

hell is when no one notices your eyes
rimmed red and tearful, and filled
to the brim with a painful sadness
while you beg for help and pray to God
that someone will finally see you.
and they don't.

hell is when there's a knot in your throat
that's so tight you can barely swallow
and your chest knots too until you can't breathe
while you suffer silently and pray to God
that you might be allowed to breathe deeply.
and you aren't.

hell is when you expect someday things will be better
but then you realize that someday is today
and you're worse than you've ever been
while you fall to your knees and pray to God
that tomorrow will be a better day, finally.
and it isn't.

salvation is when you believe in God
and you pray every day for his help
and every day you are denied.
So you stand on your own and pray to yourself
that you will be stronger alone.
and you are.

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