To Her

Location

In this strange tangled mess I left us in, I found love. Or rather, I think I did.
 
I thought I loved you. I define Love as giving anything for the betterment of another human being.
 
Now I look back and I’m not entirely sure. You gave me more than I thought possible and less than I 
 
wanted, but the way I treated you was childish with moments of maturity peeking through, like a child 
 
peers through his mother’s dress at the strangers invading their normal family dinner. I thought without 
 
my head and let me brain lead the way, though it was wrong. I pray that you forgive me for that. You 
 
were almost the training grounds for life after here, but I will never let that happen. I respect you too 
 
much to let your legacy live on in my head as that.
 
You know me as a mild mannered child with few impulses and an affinity for baking cookies and 
 
regardless of what I’ve turned into I hope I remain in your head as that, though not for me, but rather, 
 
for you.
 
It took me a month to write this out. My brain is far too muddled normally, and I can’t find the clarity of 
 
mind to decipher my thoughts about you. It took an outside influence to affect my brain in order to 
 
write down the muddled mess of my mangled mind.
 
I am not sure whether or not to let you live without me in order to protect you, or let you live with me 
 
for the short time I am here. Part of me claims that you will benefit from knowing that I have a lax moral 
 
code at times, and part of me claims that you would live better without that knowledge. This song is me 
 
airing my thoughts in public and hoping that you either catch on or don’t. That would solve my problem. 
 
Unfortunately I fear that this choice is not up to me, and up to Chance instead. I hope that this spin on 
 
the roulette wheel lands on the right slot.
 
Maybe I do love you.
 
Maybe I do.
 
Maybe.
 
I love you. I hope you live as you should.
 
I miss you.

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