Her

There are moments in time when a sound hits your ear drums before your eyes reach the sight,
and moments in time when your nostrils fill up a familiar fragrance before you catch sight of the body of which it lies upon.

That's how she came.

I sensed her before she came into my life,
and when she did, it knocked me over like one of the strongest of hurricanes that ripped up the gigantic roots of trees,
and demolished the strongest of buildings in a string of cities.

We spoke for hours and the heart beat filled nights ended with 2 hour long Skype sessions.
And when my eyes fell from exhaustion,
I would pray that they stayed open a little longer so I could catch a glimpse of that remarkable laugh that I wanted to be the cause of.

But soon I would get tired.

We ended the calls that I wished would last an eternity.
Every night before I fell into the dark abyss that we call sleep,
she would send me a meaningful ballad so I could fall into that dark abyss with the words of her love ringing through my brain until my ear drums couldn't pick it up any longer.

I would wake up with her face in my mind every early morning.
She would send me good morning messages telling me how much I truly meant to her.

I thought it would never end.

I was even making plans to go and wrap my arms around her for the first time.
I was at my highest peak and no one could ever tear me down.
I was careful that no one intercepted me from her and vice versa.
But I was never aware of a threat that could tear us apart faster than I could say I love you.
And it was her.
She was that threat.

I woke up one morning with a familiar melody playing from my ear buds,
picked up my phone and saw exactly what I wished I would never see.
She told me exactly what would shatter not just my heart and my mind,
but my whole soul.

It's been months since then.

I still can't listen to music the same.
Every time I do,
it brings up a familiar feeling of love that turns into anger then to sadness then to yearning.
And repeats itself.

I can't go a day with out waking up and hoping that she will come back and tell me how much she's missed me like I've missed her.
I now fall into that dark abyss without the love that rang in my ears as it once did before.
We now talk as if it's a chore instead of a want.

I cannot feel the same.

I find myself looking for her.

And I won't stop.

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

Mama2tba

She was meant to bring you something special in that moment. She was meaningful at that time, now better waits for you but you have to be free enough to see it. It will happen my beautiful girl. Xoxo

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741