Taking charge of my own reality
not swayed by or forced into picking one
aspects that define me
I cannot define myself by someone else's standards
or a dictionary that someone else made
To be in the dictionary would be to have my own dictionary
for someone to flip the pages of my dictionary
on their own time would mean to purchase
mine, have mine, acquire mine
it’s costly, because it's mine,
it is one of a kind
you cannot have it
you cannot duplicate it.
Open to learning and exploring
acknowledging how minute this world is
You would think there is so much room for versatility
and diversity, the world is huge
but no one wants to accept it
so it's looked down upon everytime you try to be different.
Why am I put into this little
check yes or no box of how I identify myself
do not ask me who I am and give me a box to write in
do not ask me who I am and give me an allotted time to say
do not ask me who I am and give me a scantron of things You wrote
do you expect me to fill in those bubbles?
Because I am not a bubble
Why do I have to fill in this bubble?
Why can I not just be?
Because when I do identify myself and fill in that bubble
I cannot just be
I must conform and fit in.
There is always question
I am not black enough.
I am not african enough.
I cannot sit with the natural hair community
because I wear braids instead
of what naturally grows out of my roots.
And why do you talk like that? Answer?
Why is my identification always a point of discussion
What gives this particular dictionary the right to define
and say I fit this description to a T
My dictionary does not give me the means to define me
and who I can and cannot be, who I am only
Who said all a dictionary does is define?
My dictionary allows me to revel in versatility
and diversity and choices
I have choices, I can choose
I am not only under one definition I am all of them
that I choose.
My dictionary is not loaded by
the connotation, the denotation, take it and read it
for what it is and not what you can infer
this should not negate the essence of a female that I am.
I am human
I am a contradiction
I can be 90 degrees, 180 degrees, 360 degrees
45 degrees for all I care
I am human.
This should not take away from my essence and success
Why does she get to make her own dictionary you ask?
Because when you try to tell her that she is not enough
or she does not fit in enough
you do not fit the bubble all the way
She will create her own
She will embody and fill space to her needs, her situation
She does not have to fill it all up
She can be in here and here and here and here
that does not make her wishy washy or fake
it makes her real
Because she knows she does not encompass just one thing.
I am one person but it
is not that I can be successful once
or that I can accomplish one thing
I can do many, several, thousands,
nationwide, communally, individually,
alone, solo, just me, myself
Ask me who I am and leave it at that
Why would I use a dictionary with your definitions
your words, and your interpretations?
My meaning is not yours
my dictionary allows me to be vulnerable,
to open up and express
to question and contradict
to confuse and understand
it’s okay to meet confusion if it means that you are sorting through it
or breaking confusion.
But I am not confused, I have a clear mind
I know what I want and who I am
I cannot put it into your words because
they are not mine and I understand mine
I stand for growth, change, evolution,
experience, motivation, creation, building
an empire, a never ending something,
everything and anything I want
and no dictionary, but my own, can hold all of
what and who I am.
My essence is too involved and inclusive
this is not arrogance it is confidence and assurance,
security and peace in the fact that I know that I do not
have to grace the pages of your dictionary
but I can grace my own
because it is mine.
my define is not your define.