Her Define is Not Your Define. But She Defines What You Fear to Define: Contradiction, An Infinite Degree of Human

Taking charge of my own reality

not swayed by or forced into picking one

aspects that define me

I cannot define myself by someone else's standards

or a dictionary that someone else made

To be in the dictionary would be to have my own dictionary

for someone to flip the pages of my dictionary

on their own time would mean to purchase

mine, have mine, acquire mine

it’s costly, because it's mine,

it is one of a kind

legendary

you cannot have it

you cannot duplicate it.

 

Open to learning and exploring

acknowledging how minute this world is

You would think there is so much room for versatility

and diversity, the world is huge

but no one wants to accept it

so it's looked down upon everytime you try to be different.

 

Why am I put into this little

check yes or no box of how I identify myself

do not ask me who I am and give me a box to write in

do not ask me who I am and give me an allotted time to say

do not ask me who I am and give me a scantron of things You wrote

do you expect me to fill in those bubbles?

Because I am not a bubble

Why do I have to fill in this bubble?

Why can I not just be?

Because when I do identify myself and fill in that bubble

I cannot just be

I must conform and fit in.

 

There is always question

I am not black enough.

I am not african enough.

I cannot sit with the natural hair community

because I wear braids instead

of what naturally grows out of my roots.

And why do you talk like that? Answer?

 

Why is my identification always a point of discussion  

What gives this particular dictionary the right to define

and say I fit this description to a T

My dictionary does not give me the means to define me

and who I can and cannot be, who I am only

Who said all a dictionary does is define?

My dictionary allows me to revel in versatility

and diversity and choices

I have choices, I can choose

I am not only under one definition I am all of them

that I choose.

 

My dictionary is not loaded by

the connotation, the denotation,  take it and read it

for what it is and not what you can infer

this should not negate the essence of a female that I am.

 

I  am human

I am a contradiction

I can be 90 degrees, 180 degrees, 360 degrees

45 degrees  for all I care

I am human.

This should not take away from my essence and success

Why does she get to make her own dictionary you ask?

Because when you try to tell her that  she is  not enough

or she does not fit in enough

you do not fit the bubble all the way

She will create her own

She will embody and fill space to her needs, her situation

She does not have to fill it all up

She can be in here and here and here and here

that does not make her wishy washy or fake

it makes her real

Because she knows she does not encompass just one thing.

 

I am one person but it

is not that I can be successful once

or that I can accomplish one thing

I can do many, several, thousands,

nationwide, communally, individually,

alone, solo, just me, myself

 

Ask me who I am and leave it at that

Why would I use a dictionary with your definitions

your words, and your interpretations?

My meaning is not yours

my dictionary allows me to be vulnerable,

to open up and express

to question and contradict

to confuse and understand

it’s okay to meet confusion if it means that you are sorting through it

or breaking confusion.

But I am not confused, I have a clear mind

I know what I want and who I am

I cannot put it into your words because

they are not mine and I understand mine

I stand for growth, change, evolution,  

experience, motivation, creation, building

an empire, a never ending something,

everything and anything I want

and no dictionary, but my own, can hold all of

what and who I am.

My essence is too involved and inclusive

this is not arrogance it is confidence and assurance,

security and peace in the fact that I know that I do not

have to grace the pages of your dictionary

but I can grace my own

because it is mine.

my define is not your define.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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