Hey so this isn't really a poem it's just something I scrapped as I was crying. Thoughts?
i cried
i cried so much
i cried so much, over him
he hurt me
he he doesn’t hang out with me
he touched her
he was only supposed to touch me
he did our thing with her
it was our thing
for him and i
yet he did it with her
he sat next to another her
he laughed with her
he doesn’t laugh with me
i was near him
he left to be with her
not me
i’m his girlfriend
not her
and all i did was sit there and watch
he misses another her
he talked about her behind me
he said he’s sad he can’t text her
he didn’t say that about me
he doesn’t text me
he said he ignores my messages to talk to her
why doesn’t he want to talk to me
he rolled his eyes at me
he told her “see what i’m talking about”
he hates me
he doesn’t love me
he thinks i’m dramatic and crazy
yet i’m the sanest person around
Comments
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izzy.reed_
its really good :) to critique it, you use "her" too much, but idk if that's what you were going for. i wouldn't know what your mind is trying to put onto paper. the thing i like about poetry is we can put our thoughts and feelings out in words. sometimes its a bitch trying to pour your heart out lmao but i think if you put more time and hella thought into it, you could make really good poems. i know when i write, i sit for long periods of time trying to form a line that rhymes and also expresses how i feel, but its worth it because when im done, i feel hella great about the thought i put into something. so keep up the good work and maybe try putting some constructive lines that go deeper into your emotions :)
amanda mendoza
even though this was something you wrote while crying, i love it so much. it gives this raw, type of energy where i dont even need to infer or use metaphors, becuase i feel exactly what you're feeling. also bc ive been in this exact situation before, but i love it so much.