The Honors Track

my mother must be so proud of her
anxious, burnt out, honor student
who fell off the honors track 
and is hanging on by her fingernails
because no one cares if you’re average
you have to be advanced placement,
honors program
you have to “push yourself”
push yourself to the brink of insanity
push yourself over the edge
and no one can hear you scream 
or maybe they just don’t care 
because it’s one less to compete with
one less application
one less person in the race to the top
one less kid who values their grade 
over 
their mental health
their physical health
their everything 
then they tell you school comes first
but to have 
six extracurriculars
two sports
three leadership positions
and a job
because you “gotta learn the value of a dollar”
learn the value of a dollar?
I know the value of a dollar
because i’m going to be in debt
for the rest of my life
because of a college degree
that tells me whether i’m successful or not
because you can’t go anywhere without it
or more importantly make any money without it
and the dollar dictates my life
the grade dictates my life
the scores dictate my life
and quite frankly,
I’m tired of all the numbers. 

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