Hopeless Clarity

They say it's normal to be in pain

but nothing about the sleepless nights,

feelings of heartbreak, constant clouds of thoughts burning my brain

 

2016 was good to some

but as for me, I was emptied of all my passion and love

by November my body felt nothing but numb

 

Late January is when the burden began to build

at the bottom of a hill drowning in tears,

with no car, my freedom instantly killed

 

But it was only the beginning, there was far more to come

 

Death became a close enemy of mine

kept revisiting my family

took up most of my energy and time  

A word, only five letters

something so tiny took root of all my love

and left me with just sweaters

 

Reminding me there was still more to come

 

Past conflicts returned, the more I felt fragile

putting pieces together           

to understand his actions, became a constant battle

Because is it possible to not love somebody,       

only later find yourself captivated by their existence           

to discover all along they loved someone else's company?

 

Somehow I knew there was more to come

 

Defeat surfaced, falling so short of my hopes

agony flowing through my veins    

I was no longer in control of the ropes

 

What was once a little girl's dream..

unknowingly faded away

while she fell apart at the seams

 

Until there was no more to come

 

Disappointment, sadness, misfortune filled my soul

there was nothing left to take

and to think happiness and certainty was this past years goal..

This poem is about: 
Me

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